Reflecting On the Suicide
Reflecting On the Suicide One year ago in April, just after his birthday, the husband of my sisiter's kid committed suicide at the age of 27. They had known each other for five years before they married. They were married two years when it happened. I did not know him well. It seems nobody did. He was a professional landscaper in a rich northwestern suburb of Chicago. He had a yacht. He spent many months in San Diego or sailing off the keys in Florida. His successful business was seasonal, so he only worked eight months a year. He always had the newest cars, and the latest gadgets. He watched the video of "Matrix" a lot. On the day of his suicide about 9PM, he was by his parents. He sneeked into his dad's garage and took the shotgun. He left his dog behind, and he never did that. They remembered him speeding off in his new pickup truck. A few hours later the police found him dead behind the steering wheel. He had put the shotgun in his mouth while driving. He was dead instantly. The truck crashed into a home, barely missing the people inside. He had his first baby girl. His first house was being built. His business was a great success after only four years. He employed over 100 workers. He had started from scratch. He was a success for everybody. He was looked up to. He was dead at 27. Nobody had a clue he had a problem. Nobody really knew him. Did he know himself? Stumble It! |
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At January 03, 2005 11:26 PM, said…
As a person who has suffered major recurrent depression since the age of 13 and has tried to commit suicide over 30 times in my almost 45 years, I can tell you that I was not trying to hurt loved ones. I was trying to end unbearable pain and the blackness of deep depression. My husband felt it was selfish and was angry but he did not and does not understand what it feels like to be depressed ALL the time and to look outside on a bright sunny day and see nothing but blackness and feel nothing but despair.
I was seeking to end the internal torment and pain, not to hurt anyone else.
I am on meds now and do not try that anymore but I still wish for eternal peace in my heart.
They call people who kill themselves selfish.
I call the people who expect me to live like this for the rest of my life selfish.